Cognoscenti.

I love writing.
I love that I dont do it that often.
I appreciate it more that way.
I let things prefabricate and then...
A masterpiece of my mind.
Or at least I would like to believe so....
Its apparent that others may not feel the same.

I always start off not knowing what I want to express.
All I know is the title.
Usually it all starts with a concentrated emotion.
& Here you are.

I love using Large words. Which is another reason why I enjoy
writing. (I could care less about grammer in a text)
I like the intricacy. Our vocabulary which is germanic (& stolen from other
countries) Is very beautiful & Has been decomposed.

I like to learn a new word everyday. Today the word is. Abstergent.
Definition; cleansing. Which absolutely fits my caprice and will contribute to my
rhapsody.

I didnt realize how straightforward my last post was but I think I had had enough of my own stupidity. I wish I could paint a picture for you the experiences I have been exposed to over the past 4 months. It has been absolutely astounding. The changes and renewing of my mind & body have placed me exactly where I need to be. I do want to apologize for my strong use of words and I hope that no one was offended.
I feel like the lord gave me a swift kick. These kind of lessons are amazing. He knows me. Every little piece of me. My intentions and shortcomings. I love that regardless of what animostity or crude judgements I may feel from others...He loves me and wants me near to him. HIS love can not be measured. He is our supreme authority. No one else can condemn us.

I speak for women & men when in often times it has appeared that others may think they are of a higher stature due to thier living circumstance, income, education, and social cailber. Recurrently without word it has been apparent that to them we are not enough. I will say this to you. You are wrong. I have never been one to defend myself. I shouldnt have to. No one should ever make you feel less than what you are. OR make you to believe they are better. This is impossible for we are all loved them same. With all the possible situations I have ever been in, I have never forgetten my worth. I hope each of you will remember yours as well.

I can say realizing my mistakes & making a concious effort to correct and take accountiability for my actions has left me in a siege of happiness. I have never been more full and understanding of myself before now. Iam so grateful for the lords Abstergent power, blessings and also the positive influences that have come and gone in my life. Thank you all for always loving and being patient with me.

Save lives, thats what we are here to do.
We must watch what we say , and be gentle with others.
Because we could lose a life.

Disclaimer: This is in not regards to a specific situation. There have been several occurances that I have experienced that have led me to this OPINION which iam completely entitled to obtain. If you feel like this might be in reference to you, you might owe someone an apology.

(Please excuse my spelling errors)

Why Not.

I have been thinking about blogging but
 lately I haven't had time.
Much has been going on in my life. 


My apologies. Kinda. 
Have to give credit
where credit is due...
I was prematurely inspired. 
Yes that makes sense. 


But yes for my fans,
 I owe you a huge explanation. 
All 2 of you. 


When difficulties arise You can either choose fear or faith. 
Im sure all of you can guess. I made the counterfactual choice. 
Which is another reason, I haven't been around. 
Alot of operose things have been happening in my life.

I feel like I have made sacrifices in order to gain momentarily. 
You think I would have learned many years ago. How to overcome 
opposition. So All I can ask is that you dont judge me because
although we are alike, I sin differently than you. 


Things that Have been Amazing.
Orrin, the peach of my tree. 
Making straight A's, in school.
Work has been promising. 
Financially stable, feels good.
Living situation, comfortable. 
Social Life, prodigious. 


Notice I left out an Important subject or two. 
Without having to claim, I think You can figure
my priorities are fucked. To be without reserve. 
 The most important things in my life are now on 
the back burner to my successes and selfish desires.

My weekends comfortably, have turned into ethanol induced slumbers. 
Postponed bedtimes and welcoming the daylight with cherry eyes. 
Why is it that I always want to blame others for my nonsensical decisions. 
Thats how it all started. I finally overcame the renegement that its always 
my fault and always has been. Only because I was stronger than I gave 
myself credit for. 


Ive drained myself of my drive to endure. 
Im trying to convince myself I have more and iam
not the person I am believing myself to be. 
I KNOW this with imperishable confidence. 
Where to now. I have my goals but to include
my orthodoxy and passion for christ (which is
unwaivering) is the ultimate compliance.


 I hate this journey and
how damn repetitive it is. The End.