Beautiful the Mess we are.

Heres something you dont know about me.

 I can sleep anywhere when provoked. 

But really. Something People have no idea about is....

I think Everyone is Beautiful. Everyone. GORGEOUS. Of course until they ruin it by opening their mouths. I meet new people and I admire individuality. Its so cool. Our faces are so different. I look at people, its so simple to have a pair of eyes, ears, a mouth, nose and hair (or not). We are all made up of the same things but we appear so different. The Lord is a genius. What we consider beautiful is different. I love diversity. I love the history. Each person has a different story, you never know what you will find out. You can learn so much from one person. I think its interesting to hear how people have it so hard, and their trials are harder than the next. I think if we all stood in a circle threw our problems in and said have what you will... all of us would take ours back quickly. We are all of equal worth. We are never given a problem we can not overcome. We are all here for the same reason. The Lord did not send us here to fail, he knows what we can handle. The Lord did not send us here alone. We have not the slightest idea of how blessed we are....

Which brings me to the topic that each one of us are here for a reason. I met you, ran into you, shook your hand, or opened your door for a reason. I was meant for this place and time for a specific reason. Isn't it great to know that out of the Trillion of people on this earth our God knows us each individually? Each person that we come into contact with will affect us in a way whether it be positive or negative. Our lives are good, and will continue to be if we let them be. 

I have learned that complaining, bickering, angry words, yelling and back biting gets you no where. If you are positive about everything, and have faith... I promise you all will be well. Turn over your problems to the Lord and STOP....Stop thinking so hard about this deadline, stop thinking about how your gonna finish, stop staying awake late nights, stop saying no one will ever love you, stop thinking about it all and hand it over to the Lord. I have had to do this on countless occasions. 

I love this Article....I hope you take the time to read it....It may not be relevant to my rambling but.....it has alot to do with how we live our lives and how we can still be distinct persons and still believe & live the gospel. http://www.mormonwomen.com/2011/02/09/marching-to-her-own-drum/       

OneRepublic.Good life.    My song of the Week. 

The Windows We hide behind....

Counterfeit. We all suffer from it. Somewhere along the lines of growing up and finding ourselves, we lost ourselves in an Image. Whats Ok, Whats not ok, What gets us by, what gets us attention and more importantly....What gets us what we want. Fictitious.

Its Sad Actually.
I see it all too often. We are afraid to accept ourselves. So we make New ones. We pretend to be someone everyone wants to be around. We do stupid things that are accepted by society. IE... Throwing ourselves at men (heaven forbid), Chasing women, Putting others down, Rumors, Drinking....etc. I will never understand why some people thinks these habits are so important.

Its Smart Actually.
We talk ourselves up. We pretend we are the Best at everything. We cover our insecurities with pompous prosperity. We are all on the same planet, &You are not better than the next. When are we going to accept that our fellowman, is equal to the worth of our own.  This grants an invented assurance. Which in some cases goes to our heads. One of the Very reasons I enjoy being unrelentingly honest.

Its Humbling Actually.
As we accept these things about ourselves. We blossom, We learn what matters, Who will be around, Who loves us, and what we can become. We break through these windows that we hide behind. These identities that cover the beautiful divergent spirits we where born with...

I have to admit. I have been one of these Forged persons in my past. I was not raised this way, Its the same excuse we have to every question our parents ask us....I forgot. I forgot that I was loved Continuously, Forever and ever, To no end...... Ive been through alot. Im not going to tell you about it, cause its none of your business. Remember Folks this is not a confessional. I just want you to remember though (let me repeat myself) I been through alot. So if your in my life, welcome. If not leave me alone, really. I dont favor silly people. I like being alone (figuratively speaking, as in I dont always have to be with someone, friends all the time... etc) I like knowing where I stand and how I can improve. I like being in control of my future. I know what is important to me. I know what matters in this life and what is a waste of time. I appreciate my trials. I am grateful to have overcome them. I hope to be a representation to others that struggle with accepting themselves or their habits. Change is good and it FEELS even better. Let me tell you, If feels so good to be Myself. Free from the chains that used to bind me to imposition.

In no way is this post intended to be negative...So I apologize for YOUR misinterpretation. That includes my previous blogs as well. If you have any questions Please ask. Oh and If i must Say it....IAM NOT PERFECT, or EVEN RIGHT, THIS IS JUST MY THOUGHTS.

Accepting the Consequences.

So this morning, I had planned on blogging because truth be told. I like this. I had this long blog written with stories and such...Blah Blah. It took me a while to write but it was irrelevant. I had to slap myself and Remind me that no one cares. Save it, Cause this is not a confessional.

So I promise. No boring stories based from the past. (Unless of course Learning and realizations are involved) Those things are to be left where they are...

One thing I do love to write about is the Gospel and Our beliefs. When I say our, It is in reference to us Latter Day Saints aka Mormons. Yes, Iam a Mormon. I enjoy dabbling in the continual learning required for the Immense vastness, yet unapparent simplicity involved in our church. I love it. The awakenings I acquire through new testament. The feelings I receive when I finally understand something. Knowing that I will never know everything there is to know, and this voyage is a constant learning experience.

Suffering comes from our inability to accept consequences.

Heard the phrase a few days ago. It has stuck with me, because like others I struggle with letting go and moving on. All of us struggle with CHANGE due to the suffering from past occurances, whether it be a situation where as someone has wronged us, or a decision that has left us feeling regret.
As we live our lives to enhance & change another's not only are we doing a good to them, but to ourselves. Change & acceptance are part of our growing experience. We may not notice but as we serve others without reason, with love, and because they are our brother... we are becoming more like Christ. Extend to those in need. In doing so we will put joy in their hearts & in turn we will feel the blessings we receive when we help others through this life. As we do these and other small simple things we will lose clutch of our sufferings and no longer remember them. Also remember we can't be forgiven until we forgive, but it all starts with forgiving yourself.

From todays State conference. A few of my thoughts & feelings, mixed with The words of our prophet. Along with that marvelous quote. These are personal Thoughts people...

You are allowed to disagree, just keep it to yourself.

Hello There....

I like to Write alot. I dont have much time to always grab my journal, find a pen and write down what im thinking....I often find myself searching for something on this Darn Computer. So here I will type my thoughts. Today you will learn about me. Here I can be brutally honest.
I hope your ready for the Spice.

So me. Simply put. I am insecure. Sucks i know. Not about everything just a select few things. I feel like I need to recognize them in order to overcome them. This Blog and my Speech class has to help somehow.
Anda:
I dont care much for others feelings, to spare them.
There are Trillions of ppl on this world, if you dont shape up someone will....
I feel like I have to have different genres of freinds.
I like having Options (which has alot to do with my insecurities)
I am selfish.
I believe in not being second, to anyone.

Insecurities:
That although im beautiful, whomever iam with will always see other women (its happened before).
I will not be able to accomplish enough to be interesting.
Iam afraid that as a single mother I wont be able to impact my sons life.
Dont like When people think they are better than me.
As common as it is, im afraid i wont be able to finish school...This is where the challenge starts.

These past few weeks, I have been trying to re-mold my priorities. Cause most of the things I listed above ^^^ arent even in the slightest way important.
My Goal this year is Sacrifice. Period. Trying to be selfless.
In my eyes this consists of -->Put the Lord first and his children. Pay my tithes. Pray Always. Early to bed. NO cursing, judging, or boys. Period. He will provide. I think if i can do these simple things, everything else will slowly fall into place. I just have a Sass Attitude to lose in the process.
Im angry, opinionated & Mean and I want to drop it of on the Corner with Five bucks and tell him to find a new freind. Im moving on.
I mean 70% of the time Iam content. Iam talking about the other 30% ... the times when I let my emotions/doubt from past experiences over power, the person I have slowly become....

I like who Iam Now.