RoadKill.

I knew what I wanted to start with. Thats where I always start. I never know where I want to go with it, but after falling asleep with a head swollen with new forms of chagrin. I have no idea how im going to make it through my day. NO, like seriously. 


It seems like we find ourselves aimlessly wandering in the dark, not knowing what path we are on. Where we are heading. Whats around the corner. Then those headlights come quicker than ever, and all you can do is freeze because you don't want to go back where you came from, and you don't know what lies ahead. 


This can all be avoided.


I don't know what to say about the past couple of months. I draw a blank. Which happens alot apparently. Maybe I should start with the past year. Since its all I can think about and is coming to a close. 
I have been living with my parentals. Which has been so helpful since I needed to get back on my feet. Stressful beyond understanding, because I take pride in being independent.
I have always been on my own and moving back in with them was a humbling experience, because regardless of what we want to admit.


We all need help. 


Thats hard for me to admit. I'am hard headed, opinionated, prideful, unbiased, and angry at times. (I have good character too, the bad is what most of us run from) I have been hiding it. Trying to Live past it. I have been angry at myself for a while. I have let go of things that are of value to me. The year started off great and things that matter casually began to dissipate from my grasp. All too abruptly, good things started to present opportunity. I wasn't ready. I was caught in those headlights. Stuck. We all know what happens from there. 


Due to my foul discrimination. I wasn't ready for the abundant blessings that where being placed in my path. Undeserving Iam and my Heavenly Father still loves me, and puts good before me. I now realize there is no easy way. He knows me all to well. He knows my strong mind, he knows my strength and that iam capable. Hes not going to hand me the answers. I have to find them out. I need his help, ALL of the time. 


Smeared across the Pavement, is where I have found myself. Like a baby fox, gone astray from my safe protective pack. Tainting the concrete. Because I let go, each time. The only difference between us is, baby fox has been obliterated, lacerated never to breathe again. I have been forgiven, redeemed and can stand again. The act of wandering to the dark road is all the same. If we wander in the light we can see further ahead. 


Roadkill; To be or not to be.